BOBBIE JO

POST-OP TGIRL

FOR NEW GIRLS

For new girls

{cke_protected}{C}%3C!%2D%2D%20BOF%3A%20.%2Fpersonal-templates%2Fsimple%2Fgeneric%2Fparagraphs%2Fstyle.1%20%2D%2D%3EAdvice for new girls
 
Sometimes I am asked by girls who are just starting out and are early in their transition for advice. Well, first thing to know is we're all different, what worked for me may or may not work for you, but here are some pieces of advice that I think are applicable to everyone.

1. Do NOT let anyone else control your life, the only one who knows what is right for you is YOU. We have a right to be happy too. I take this quote to heart and I live it every day, ".I lived 49 years trying to be good to everyone but the one person that truly matters - myself. It was time that I support HER, even if no-one else does. After all, I'm the ONLY one I know for a fact will be with me until my final day".

2. Makeup - less is more. When I first started out, and being in the early stage of electrolysis / laser hair removal, I used a fair amount of foundation to cover up the hair on my face, etc. As I've reached the final stage of electrolysis, I hardly use foundation at all anymore, except for a little bit of "finishing powder "specifically--Maybelline finishing Veil". Oh yes, I will always love cocksucker red lipstick, and I use eyeliner once in awhile, and I just love painting my nails. For work however, I use a softer, pink shade of lipstick, a natural shade of eyeliner, and well for my nails, anything goes there.

3. Shoes - well, take your pick. I don't like flats much, but that's just me. The only pair of flats I have is a pair of flip flops for the beach. I like heels in the typical range of four to seven inches, and yes, I've worn the latter to work. I'm not a big fan of stilettos, especially if I have to walk very far. I'll wear stilettos if I don't have to walk very far, like to a movie or dinner. Platforms are far more comfortable for a lot of walking. Basically wear what you are comfortable walking in. I get some of my shoes from Kohl's, others from sexyshoes.com, and still others from various stores like The Chamber in Columbus, or the Mission Boutique in Lakewood, Ohio. Bottom line, don't fall and don't break your ankle. I started out with lower heels and worked my way up to the 7 inch heels as I got more comfortable.

4. Coming out to family and friends as transgender. Okay, this is a big one. The best piece of advice I will give on this is STAND YOUR GROUND. If you show the slightest hesitation or the slightest sign of being unsure of yourself, it will be like a shark feeding frenzy, and you won't be one of the sharks. I had my daughter taken away from me by my ex simply because I am transgender, and while I think about my daughter often, I WILL NOT LET SOMEONE ELSE DICTATE MY LIFE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. My sister was very supportive. My very religious mom however, gave me a lot of hell at first, we went back and forth a lot until I had enough, finally I said, well, you have a choice, you can either love, accept, cherish and support me, or you won't be in my life anymore, your choice. I also pointed her to Mary Lou Wallner's website... Ever since then, my Mom and I have had a much better relationship, and she has bought me many pretty dresses, wonderful cards, etc. SO LIFE LESSON #1: STAND YOUR GROUND.

5. Next, where ever you go, act like you own the place. This is true whether you're in the woman's room, or in a bar, grocery store, in a bikini, etc. Do not be nervous, you have no reason to ever be nervous. You need to act like where ever you are is exactly the place you are supposed to be. Looking around for people to see who might be "looking at you" is a sure fired way to "get read".

6. Voice - This is one of the hardest things for a transgender girl to accomplish. There are various ways to train your voice. I recorded myself on the answering machine numerous times (days, weeks, etc), until I thought I had it where it sounded pretty good. I decided to finally put it to the test. I called my Mom and said, "Hi Mom, I just wanted to see how you are, hope everything is going okay". She said, "Ma'am, who are you, I have no idea who you are". That is the day that I knew my voice was where it needed to be.

7. Surgery - for some, this is a "do or die" situation, for others this is a matter of personal choice. If you are comfortable without surgery, that is the determining factor. I know some girls that can't wait to get rid of their penis, I also know many non-ops who are living very rewarding and fulfilling lives and are extremely happy.

So, "adams apple" - I am lucky in that mine is not very prominent, some girls may need surgery to reduce the size of theirs. Breast enhancements - again, have hormones given you the breasts you want? If they have, then consider yourself fortunate, that's not the case for everyone. I would like to get to a C cup, but I am also pretty happy with the way my girls are now. Gender reassignment surgery. Some girls despise their penis and can't wait to get rid of it, others are living wonderful lives as non-ops, and others can't have the surgery for financial, medical or other reasons. Would I be happy if I couldn't afford GRS? Yes I would, I am happy now. Having a penis does not make me any less of a girl. Having a vagina won't make me any more of a girl. The only thing that kind of bothers me is "tucking" when wearing a bikini, or if I'm stripping in a "straight" strip club. Maybe one day the world will truly accept the concept of women with a penis. There is nothing wrong with a girl with a cock, in fact I find a girl with a cock pretty darn sexy.


8. If you get some "busybody christian" who wants to know why you are changing your body from "what god gave you", then do what I do, throw it right back in their face. Ask the "busybody christian" women if they shave their legs, and for the men, ask them if they shave their faces. If they say yes, then ask them, "why are they trying to change their body from what god gave them"? I'm an atheist so I get especially irritated at "christians" who think they have some "right" to tell others how to live.

9.This bears repeating more times that I can repeat it here: ANYONE, and I do mean ANYONE who doesn't love, accept, cherish and support you is not your family, nor your spouse, nor your friend. They are simply acquaintances who obviously only give a crap about you if you conform to THEIR way of living. Why is it that everyone else thinks they have a right to tell us how to live OUR lives?

10.Okay, I grant you, this one isn't really for new girls, but I know of two girls who had to have revision surgery, and now possibly a third because they did not follow their dilation schedule. The first couple of months are the most important. I can not stress this enough, please follow your dilation schedule from your surgeon. If you didn't get any info from your surgeon, then go to: http://srsmontreal.com for a general schedule. Failure to follow your dilation regime will only push you back towards having revision surgery at a later point. It is very important to do your dilation.

11.When mailing payments for your surgery, and especially if mailing them to a foreign country, LIE as to the contents of the envelope!!! You are not mailing a check, you are simply mailing medical documents. Our idiotic useless government for some stupid reason will not allow bank checks to cross borders. Hey idiots, I am simply mailing a check to Canada.

12. I am repeating this again. I've heard of yet another trans girl that is getting grief from her so-called family. Okay, look, here is how you deal with that b.s.
Anyone, and I do mean ANYONE who doesn't love, accept, cherish and support you is not your family, nor your spouse, nor your friend. They are simply acquaintances who obviously only give a crap about you as long as you conform to their way of living. You need to give those people an ultimatum, they either accept, love, cherish and support you or they won't be in your life anymore, their choice.
Take my attitude, I live my life to make ME happy, and the rest of the world can go f*** itself in no uncertain terms.
I lived 49 years trying to be good to everyone but the one person that truly matters - myself. It was time that I support HER, even if no-one else does. After all, I'm the ONLY one I know for a fact will be with me until my final day.

13.Walk - I've seen many girls get read simply by their walk. You are not trying to run a race, and do not walk like a lumberjack. Slow down, take smaller steps, and throw a little hip action into your walk.

14. Okay girls, now pay attention. This one may piss off some trans girls, but sorry, some of you need to hear this.. Some trans girls are nothing but drama queens.
Please quit complaining about your situation if you are not willing to take the steps to make your situation better. Don't feed me the bullshit that "there's nothing you can do". That is a load of horseshit and you know it. You are in control of yourself and your situation, no one else. There was a trans girl the other day complaining about her home situation and that things were bad enough she was thinking about taking a knife to her wrists. My advice, pack up and MOVE. If things are bad enough that you are thinking about slicing your wrists, then MOVE and get the fuck out of the situation you're currently in. (and also please see a good therapist). She told me she couldn't move because she would lose everything she has worked for the last three years. Well, newsflash here dear, but if you slice your wrists open, I believe you'll be losing everything you've worked for the last 3 years plus a whole lot more.
It's almost like some girls are not happy unless they are constantly in some type of drama situation. It wears on you at times. They keep saying "there's nothing they can do", but yet they won't take the steps necessary for a different outcome. The definition of insanity is doing the exact same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. It's almost like some trans girls keep wanting to be miserable so they can keep complaining about it.
If you're not happy in your current work/home situation, and if you're low on money, then do what I have done before, stop paying bills at the current location, (and that includes credit card bills), and use that money to MOVE to a different location. (for example, find a more friendly lgbt city and move there ...there is a municipal equality index at hrc.org). I pointed the latest girl to the transgender housing/roommate wanted ads, I am hoping she takes my advice and gets out of a bad situation.
As many people know, I am perfectly willing to help other trans girls, but my advice falls on deaf ears when they refuse to take the first step.
Too many girls make the mistake of thinking that if they transition, all of their problems will be instantly solved. They think everything will be sunny skies and that they will be singing zippity doo dah for the rest of their lives. That is not the way it works. Transition only solves ONE problem, and that is the gender identity problem. Transitioning is not an easy road, but it is a rewarding one, however it comes with its own set of challenges which you better be prepared to deal with. Some people will not be happy with your transition, but fuck them and the horse they rode in on. The only person you have to make happy is YOU.

15. If you're a transsexual, you have excellent project planning skills, because you've been working on the most important project of all, being true to yourself

16. This may be the most important one yet. Do not double up on your hormones thinking you will get a feminine body faster. The only thing that will happen is you will end up in the hospital pretty fast. Follow the prescription from your doctor and do NOT double up on your hormones.
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